


Wouldn't it be nice?

by Ship_theboybands



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-27
Updated: 2013-05-27
Packaged: 2017-12-13 03:51:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/819634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ship_theboybands/pseuds/Ship_theboybands
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maybe some day they can have everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wouldn't it be nice?

**Author's Note:**

> This is mostly just because I like to write speeches. Also fan art made me sad.

They lie on the duvet they spread out on the hotel room floor, hands linked loosely and the tops of their heads touching, and stare at the ceiling in silence. Louis likes these moments, because this is a sort of ritual they have. Every first night in a new city they will sneak up to Louis' room, drag the blankets off the bed, and position themselves so they have feet at opposite ends and there are only three points of contact, their intertwined fingers and Harry's curls brushing Louis' scalp. They listen to the hum of the radiator and the buzz of the city outside and the whirr of the fan but mostly each other breathing. And stare at the ceiling, because sometimes they just like to be. Harry's fingers are warm and his hair is soft, and Louis just soaks it all up and closes his eyes and Harry's slow breaths lull him to sleep. And when he wakes up, Harry is gone, and the fans, and management, are none the wiser. 

But tonight Harry seems distracted. He's breathing quicker than normal and he keeps shifting. There's this distant sound of girls screaming outside and one of them yells extra loud, screaming Harry's name and he just seems to snap.

"I hate this," he whispers sharply, but it echoes like a scream in the silent hotel room, in their safe haven,"I hate this so much." 

"You can go back to your room if you want," Louis says gently, trying to hide the hurt from his voice.

"No, not this part," Harry says quickly. "I love this part, I hate rushing out in the morning. I hate leaving you alone and going back to my cold hotel room because we're not aloud to wake up next to each other." There's a pause, and the girls keep screaming. And the fan whirs above them, and the ceiling watches on.  
"I can just see this future with you, Lou," Harry continues," I can see us, with wedding bands round our fingers, sat on a picnic blanket, with a kid in each lap, or two, or four, or none. And the sun's beating down on us through the trees, and no one stops us to ask for an autograph. And no one cares when I kiss you. " He leaves a beat before he goes on. "Sometimes I think we could settle down in a little cottage by the sea, or a flat in the city, or a fancy house back in Cheshire. But then I think maybe we'd travel the world first, see everything, not just through the window of the tour bus. And every night we could get a double bed so we wouldn't have to lay on the floor, and I could fall asleep next to you. And wake up next to you." Harry's fingers tighten around his. "But I can't. We can't. We can't have that without losing our jobs, and ending the boys' careers, and, like, hundreds of others. Just, do you ever think about that responsibility? If we fuck up and One Direction goes to shit, then that's it. That's it for Zayn and Liam and Niall and Josh and Paul and Dan. So many people's jobs depend on me not waking up next to you. I hate it." Harry's grip gets stronger. "Sometimes I think it's just not even worth it. Like, what's the point in any of this because it doesn't make me happy anymore. And I was so exited, this was my big break. And written down this sounds perfect ,too, doesn't it? Harry Styles tours the world with his four best friends, performing to thousands, girls screaming his name. But it's not, it sucks. I hate it, I-"

"Harry you're hurting me." Louis squeaks. Harry frowns and snaps his head round to where his and Louis' knuckles are turning white.

"Shit." He lets go immediately and sits up. "I'm so sorry Lou!" He says, gently tugging Louis up into his lap. "I'm so sorry."

"Harry it's fine." 

"No it's not, I'm so sorry." He kisses each of Louis' knuckles, whispering apologies against his skin as it fades from white to tan. They sit like that for a while, Louis' back to Harry's chest, feeling his ribcage expand and contract against him, until Louis feels hot tears drip between his fingers and he pulls his hand free. He puts two fingers beneath Harry's chin and lifts upwards. Harry's face is red and his eyes are wet and he looks guilty and lost and just broken.

"Please don't cry Harry," Louis mumbles, wiping tears from his face, "just, like, I know this sucks. And I want all those things that you said, and I hate that we can't have it too. But, like, I just. I just think that if we stick it out, eventually, this will be over. When we want to settle down, we can. When we're done with, like, 'living the dream' then we can end it. We can sit down with the boys, in ten or twenty years' time, and at least talk about retiring. We've got enough money in the bank to travel the world twice, and we can have a trillion kids. And they'll be so attractive and talented that all the other kids will want to be them."( Harry chuckles at that, so Louis will take it as a win) "And this contract with Modest! won't last forever, we can drop them when the contract ends and try coming out, because even if we're less successful I know the boys would prefer that than us keeping this secret. Just- don't cry. Please." Louis finishes. And he knows it's not as simple as that, that if they ever wanted to do that there would be hate, and people would be lost, and jobs. But it's midnight, and they're alone in a fancy hotel in the heart of New York, and tomorrow they will perform to thousands, and he loves Harry so very much, and he needs to not be crying. Harry smiles, big and honest, and falls onto his back, pulling Louis on top of him. Louis squeals and Harry laughs. And they fall asleep like that, Louis' head tucked beneath Harry's chin, their legs tangled, the ceiling remaining quite as it was.


End file.
